Me? You want to interview me?

Well, I guess it was because I’m the daughter of Lord Godo, right?

No? Then?


Never mind. Sit down.

So, you’re collecting interviews, huh? Whose have you done already?

Only me? I’m the last?

(Geez, talk about insignificant.)

Oh well, since I’m free I’ll spend a few hours with you.

Ask away.

What’s my NAME? Oh puh-leez, that is so stupid.

I mean, if you knew the people who stopped Meteor and Sephiroth, you gotta know my name.

I was there, man. I saw it all. I fought Sephiroth, mind you. I defeated him. Hear that? ME!

Sephiroth? Damn pushover. One swish from the Conformer was all I need.

<shows off Conformer>

See? See? A beeeeeeauty!

Yes, I did it alone. What do I need to convince you?

Okaaay, there was the guy named Cloud. But he did a little only. I did most of the job.

Who cast Regen?


Who cast Wall AND DeBarrier?


Oh okay, so Vincent already told you that.

Has anyone NOT told you anything?

I don’t care what Cid says about my airsickness, he’s a lousy pilot!

‘Best pilot in the world’, he says. Yeah, right.

He either pilots like an old lady or a drunken maniac.

It’s an AIRSHIP, cripes’ sake! It’s not a buggy!

Wonder if he can even drive. I mean, you gotta have a driver’s license before a pilot’s.

Nah, probably failed it.

Cloud? Oh, the spikey-haired jerk. Wonder how much mousse he uses.

He hit me with that huge sword of his! Hey, it hurts you know!

The problem is that it’s blunt. And that hurts worse.

And he was, like, possessed by that JENOVA thing. Don’t ask me. Ask him.

And then there’s Aerith. They called her the Ancient. She doesn’t look old.

Always speaking about weird things. Like I knew. Something about the planet, yadda yadda yadda.

Her death? Yeah, I bear witness.

Were there any blood?? Ewww, what’re you, some sicko? Next question!

Tifa? Seems she was Cloud’s ‘childhood friend’.

<Curls fingers like parentheses>

Just between you and me, I kind of look up to her.

The time when she cared for Cloud. Seems she never slept. That must’ve been tiring.

And that guy doesn’t appreciate her help. Always Aerith this, Aerith that.

I mean, she’s right IN FRONT of him! Hello, Cloud, Tifa loves you! Aerith’s dead, live with it!

Barret, Cid, ah no comment. They both irritate me.

They told you I irritate them too? What a coincidence!

Barret, with his daughter I’ve never seen and talking funny.

Cid and his endless cussing. They ought to make a duet. And wash their mouths with detergent.

Or something. Anything powerful enough to clean their mouths.

Red 13’s acting so smart. Truth is, he’s younger than me and he’s showing off his knowledge like he’s some professor.

And that accent- argh.

And then there’s the robot cat.

For a robot, it has a very sharp tongue. Always at odds with Barret.

Just because it’s a guy from Shinra. Yeesh.

Hey, don’t get me wrong. I don’t like Shinra either.

Just so long they leave Wutai alone. Oh, and the materia.

Yeah, love materia. Been my first love since, like, three?

And they just flare up when I grab their materia.

You know what they say?

‘I don’t care. I want my materia back.’

Just try being in my shoes, buster.

I LOVE Wutai, for your information.

‘I want my materia back.’


Cloud would rob us if he could get Aerith back.

Tifa would- nah, maybe she wouldn’t.

Barret would for Marlene.

Cid would to go up to space.

Everyone would if it means fulfilling their desire in return.

See, that was my desire. I wanted Wutai to be strong again.

It’s not selfish. Everyone else wants that.

But them. They ARE selfish. Only for themselves.

Oh yeah, there was one exception.


That undead infatuated psycho we found in Nibelheim, rotting in a coffin.

Should’ve left him there. He scares me.

Sitting at one corner, brooding.


What he does best.

If he had the chance, he’d rather turn back the clock.

Like Cloud? Yeah, like Cloud.

Everyone else wants their future hopes granted. Me too. But not him.

His is in the past.

I’d probably scream ‘Get a life, vampy!’ at his face.

Pining over that lady named Lucrecia.

Like, hello, it was more than 20 years ago.

Get with it.

I would, really.

If he didn’t look so threatening with that 3 foot long sniper.

Probably longer than Red 13’s height.

Add to the fact that he can transform into a winged demon of hell.

Who would go near him?

And yet, he’s so…..I don’t know how to describe it.

The hair, the claw, the eyes….

Seductive? Maybe. I’d love to be…..


Erase that part!

If anyone knows about this I’m gonna diiiiiiiie of shame!

You gotta go? Oh man, that’s sad. Could’ve told you more.

Okay, okay, one last part.

No matter what I said, they’re still a good bunch of people.

Yeah, was nice chatting to you too.

Oh, one more thing.

Could you edit it so that I sound cool?

Back to fanfic page.